Today I started reading the book "Intuitive Eating". I decided to read this because I'm done. Done with dieting. I'm over it. I am 43 years old and I am sick und tired of trying to be all that I can be by denying the pleasures of eating, resting, and watching my navel. I am tired of being tired.
So. I picked this book up last night. Wow. I am half way through it, and I get it. I have found something that works with exactly the way I think. I hate ice cream. I mean I really hate ice cream. Everytime I eat it, I feel gross. But its comfort food right ? Something that is denied by most diets...so I ate it. I rebelled, and then hated myself more for eating. But its not me I hate, I just don't like ice cream.
The next thing was Mcfish sandwich, or whatever you call it at McDonalds. I have been denying myself for WEEKS to have one. WEEKS. I walked into McDs this afternoon. First of all, I walked into Mcds. I didn't do the sneaky drive through wearing dark glasses and a scarf over my head. I walked in. I stood in line. I could feel the judgement. But wait. I was surrounded by skinny people in athletic clothes!!!! I AM SERIOUS. They were buying McD burgers!!! And they were loud and proud. Well shut my mouth.
I bought the sandwich with a coffee. I sat my ass down and I made love to that sandwich. It was like the whole world disappeared and I was chewing like it was the best sandwich I had ever eaten. I thought, at the beginning, I would want to eat a half a dozen of them, because I was carrying around this want for WEEKS. I just had one. And when I was done, I was done. Not two, or three - just one. It was freaking awesome. For about 5 minutes. Then I burped. Oh yes, now I remember why I don't eat these things. The after taste is HORRIBLE. I needed to eat just one....and for the rest of the afternoon, I loved myself for letting go and eating that one sandwich. Now I realize what I really wanted was cod. So for dinner I am eating a nice piece of cod and I will make love to that too. And I betcha dollars to donuts, that the piece o'cod will be a hundred times better than that sandwich. Cause I am going to make that cod just right. No oil, no pound of salt, no grease. Just me and the cod. In love for the first time.